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3 Shires Coaching Group Blog

7 Habits of Highly Effective Coachees: #7 Avoiding Over-reliance on Your Coach

5/8/2019

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Author: Debbie Inglis
Website: squaretwo.co.uk
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In this final post of my blog challenge for #ICW2019 (International Coaching Week), I’m focusing on a potential downside of the coach-coachee relationship. Sounds like I’m ending this series on a negative topic, but it has its basis on the positive coach-coachee relationship!
When you work with a coach:
  • you feel really listened to, respected, and understood,
  • you feel supported to step out of your comfort zone and try new actions and behaviours without being judged,
  • you see yourself making progress,
  • you discover new things about yourself,
  • your confidence is boosted,
  • you find solutions to problems,
  • you receive honest feedback
… and much more.
Thus, it’s not hard to understand why coachees may not want this relationship of mutual respect and trust to come to an end.

The risk of this is minimised by the process of coaching and the mindset of the coach. For example, a coach will be helping you
  • recognise strengths that you already have,
  • come up with your own answers,
  • identify how your new learning & increased self-awareness can be applied in other situations, thus increasing your own self-reliance

Useful questions to ask yourself towards the end of a coaching programme

Here are a few questions you can use to check your level of self-reliance:
  • What are my thoughts about coming to the end of this coaching programme?
  • How confident am I feeling on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being most confident) about moving forward beyond the end of the coaching programme?
  • What resources am I aware that I already have, and what have I learnt, that will help me move forward on my own when the programme finishes?
  • What can I put in place with my coach before the coaching finishes, to build my self-reliance (if I feel this is needed)?
This last one may already be planned by your coach, as part of an ‘Exit session’.
Which other questions could you usefully ask yourself?
Of course, we’re always learning – about ourselves, our beliefs, what makes us tick etc. … and engaging in a new block of coaching on a different focus area can be useful without it being about over-reliance on the coach.

​I think the key thing here is that your awareness is raised to the idea
, and your purpose for continuing with coaching is about providing you with new learning opportunities, and your self-reliance continues to increase.

Debbie Inglis is a Leadership Coach specialising in Mental Toughness & Resilience. She also delivers accredited Coaching Skills Training and is a Supervision Coach. Debbie works across the UK and Internationally with leaders and their teams to maximise leadership performance, create more resilient, confident, and motivated teams - in a way that brings out the best in them.

Connect with Debbie on LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter
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7 habits of highly effective coachees: #4 willingness to be challenged!

5/6/2019

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Author: Debbie Inglis
Website: ​squaretwo.co.uk
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A coaching session without challenge is like having a pleasant conversation with a friend, where you comfortably discuss your situation without actually making any progress or achieving a solution.
At the 'soft squidgy' end of challenge, you'll feel positively supported although might not feel like you're moving forward. At the 'harder, tougher' end of challenge you'll be out of your comfort zone, significantly in the stretch or learning zone. You'll be discovering new things about yourself, some you may not like initially, but you'll realise how useful the stretch is, and you'll see progress.

Challenge for one person, isn't necessarily the same for another. 

A skilled coach will be able to 'judge' the level of challenge suitable to you, your situation and how resourceful you're feeling in that particular session, so challenge can differ from one session to the next.
​
I've had coachees come to sessions having recently had a significant knock to their confidence. They tend to want a 'softer' start to the session. But I feel it's important to help them build a more resourceful state ... and I use the skills of listening, rapport building, appropriate questioning and feeding back pertinent and confidence-building observations, so they can be more open to challenge again, and continue making progress.

What I love most about being challenged when I'm in coachee role, is that total belief my coach has in me. They are there beside me, encouraging me to take a leap of faith, or believing what I want is possible - when I may be doubting myself.

These are behaviours I use to support coachees I work with too, and it's with this mindset that I see most progress with them.

When starting a new coach-coachee relationship, it is a good idea to ask your coach how they challenge. This not only helps to inform you, it also gets a potentially uncomfortable topic out in the open, making it more 'accessible' and easy to step into when you've hit an obstacle. Alternatively, you can trust and accept that challenge will happen anyway, and you'll 'go with the flow'!

A coach will challenge you in a number of ways, including:
Challenging you to go deeper
This is about delving deeper into your thinking around a topic / your goal. It can feel challenging if it's not something you're used to doing, or have been avoiding doing it for some reason.

Relevant Core Competencies from the International Coach Federation include:

"Asks questions that evoke discovery, insight, commitment or action (e.g., those that challenge the client’s assumptions)." - Re 6. Powerful Questioning
"Helps clients to discover for themselves the new thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, moods, etc. that strengthen their ability to take action and achieve what is important to them." - Re 8. Creating Awareness
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Challenging limiting beliefs
They may hear you say things that you believe about yourself or the situation that are holding you back, or impeding your progress ... "I'll never be able to do ..." or "I can't ..."

Challenge responses can include ... "How do you know?" or "Who says?" or "What evidence can you think of that would contradict that?"
​
You can read more on limiting beliefs here.
Challenging inaction
Your coach will assist you in designing appropriate actions to deepen your learning and promote progress towards your goals. They will also be checking that these actions are within your control.

Coaches are realistic, and will accept that sometimes things out of your control can get in the way of you achieving actions following coaching sessions.

However, if the coach spots that you are developing a pattern of not taking action for things that are in your control, they will likely challenge this! If you want to avoid this, make sure you're honest about the actions you're choosing to do, and not just saying what you think your coach wants to hear.
In which other ways have you been challenged in coaching?
So how could you mentally prepare for challenge in a coaching session? If we go back to my initial statement at the start of this blog, challenge is an integral part of a coaching session so it should be expected. Preparing to be challenged is the same as preparing to be coached. I approach it from the perspective ... "I'm going to learn something new about myself today - and I'm going to enjoy that!
What would you say to yourself?

Debbie Inglis is a Leadership Coach specialising in Mental Toughness & Resilience. She also delivers accredited Coaching Skills Training and is a Supervision Coach. Debbie works across the UK and Internationally with leaders and their teams to maximise leadership performance, create more resilient, confident, and motivated teams - in a way that brings out the best in them.

Connect with Debbie on LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter
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8 ways to sharpen your coaching skills

5/6/2019

1 Comment

 
Author: Debbie Inglis
Website: squaretwo.co.uk
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Whether you coach as part of your role in an organisation, or are an independent coach, how do you ensure that your coaching abilities are as good as they can be? ​

​Do you have people or systems (or both) that help you review your ongoing development?

As a guide and starting point, I’ve listed below 8 ways to keep your coaching skills sharp – covering external CPD, internal reflection and coachee feedback.

Which do you already do, and what would you add to this list?

1. Practise the skills of coaching outside formal coaching sessions
This is particularly relevant if you don’t get to coach very often. You can still keep your coaching skills sharp by, for example:
  • Engaging in active or deep listening during important meetings
  • Using open questions to help a colleague find a solution for an issue they have
  • Practising your rapport-building skills with new colleagues or people you get on less well with

2. Attend coaching supervision
With a growing appreciation for the power and benefit supervision has on our coaching practice (and hence our coachees!) supervision is becoming more popular and more in demand. Supervision can be 1-1 or group supervision. It can be over the phone or in person.

Supervision often involves a teaching or mentoring element on the part of the coach supervisor, always involves reflection on the part of the coach being supervised, and has a holistic focus on a coach’s development. I’ve always learned something new about myself, the coaching profession and how I run my coaching business when I’ve attended coaching supervision. It’s definitely a must for my ongoing development as a coach.


3. Carry out coaching self-reviews regularly
This involves taking an open and honest look at your own practice, and can include reviews of:
  • sessions as a whole
  • use of skills (listening, questioning, rapport building, challenge, feeding back what you’re noticing, ability to be present, etc)
  • impact of your coaching on the coachee  ... What are their outcomes? How useful are the sessions to them? ... etc.

4. Ask your coachees for feedback
How often do you do this? What format does it take? How do you use it?!
I have found questions, such as those below, useful to gain a coachee’s feedback:
  • What’s been the most/least useful part of today’s session?
  • Which questions have provided you with the best challenge today?
  • If we had an opportunity to do this session again, what would you change/how would it look/what would need to be different?
  • What other feedback would you like to provide about today’s session?
Some of the responses you receive may be only relevant to how that session went. But look out for those which provide more generic feedback that you can learn from. Perhaps this coachee is providing similar feedback to other coachees, and there’s an emerging pattern.

5. Keep a journal – record your reflections
I’ve been using journals more and more recently. I have different journals for different reflections: one for reflecting on my training, one for coaching, one for supervision, a gratitude journal, and one to record things I learn from reading coaching and other books.

One of the advantages of journalling is that you need to organise your thoughts in order to put pen to paper. This helps you identify the most important and relevant parts about what you want to say, as well as the most relevant next steps … the ‘So what?’ bit. They can also be useful to do a ‘dump’ of unhelpful emotions/feelings/thoughts, things that are tying you up in knots.

6. Join a coaching CPD / support group
It can be a lonely job if you’re the only one in your organisation delivering coaching, or you’re running your own coaching business. It’s a good idea to find (or create!) a coaching support group in your area to keep your motivation levels up, keep your skills sharp, and learn from other like-minded people. 
​Try a Google search for your nearest one, or if you’re in the Nottinghamshire, Derbyshire or Yorkshire areas, you’d be very welcome to come along and visit us at The 3 Shires Coaching Group. (Click here to find out more.) We’ve found that our best support and development comes from:
  • using external speakers 
  • providing members with time to practise their coaching skills in a safe and supportive environment
  • giving members opportunities to network, share ideas and collaborate
You can join the 3 Shires Facebook Group here, and follow us on Twitter here.

7. Attend CPD days (further training / conferences / webinars etc.)
This is different to #6, in that these are stand alone events.
  • What’s the best CPD day/webinar/conference you’ve attended and why?
  • How did it develop your thinking and/or practice as a coach?

8. Gather testimonials
This may sound self-serving, but it’s useful feedback on what’s working. You can then use this as part of your overall feedback picture. Often we focus on what we ‘need to do better’, and forget what we do well. By gathering testimonials, you will be making productive in-roads towards gaining positive external feedback.

Testimonials Tip …
Despite coachees painting glowing pictures of how coaching has helped them (particularly at the end of a session), and their willingness to write a testimonial for you, it may not materialise. They may have the best intentions to do this for you, but once the session’s finished and they go about their daily routine, the latter takes over and/or they may forget. Make it easy for them by giving them a starting point. For example, at the end of your programme of sessions with them, ask the following questions:
  • What’s been the most useful part of our work together?
  • What have been the key outcomes from receiving coaching?
  • What’s been your biggest learning point?
  • What have you enjoyed most about our coaching work together?
The answers to these questions can be recorded by you, and you can then use them to formulate a ‘draft testimonial’ that you can send them for editing, with their permission. This is much easier for them than starting with a blank piece of paper!

So what do you do to keep your coaching skills sharp? And which ideas from the above list will you use?
Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments box. Click on the comments link under the blog title :)

Debbie Inglis is a Leadership Coach specialising in Mental Toughness & Resilience. She also delivers accredited Coaching Skills Training and is a Supervision Coach. Debbie works across the UK and Internationally with leaders and their teams to maximise leadership performance, create more resilient, confident, and motivated teams - in a way that brings out the best in them.

Connect with Debbie on LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter
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1 Comment

7 Benefits Of Silence

5/5/2019

3 Comments

 
Author: ​Beverley Powell
Website: readytolead.uk ​
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British public holidays. Like them or loath them. Apart from those friends and colleagues who are largely employed within the public sector and other customer facing services, the vast majority of the UK workforce have a paid public working day away from work. For many of us, public holidays can be an opportunity for rest and relaxation, for others, this can be a possible source of stress and anxiety that can involve travelling, or entertaining friends and family, or just simply catching up on those jobs.
Silence
​How many of you build in regular daily or weekly time of more than 30 minutes for just you time in total silence? Over the last twelve months, I have developing my own personal practice where I build in meditation time or to journal and give thanks and gratitude. For me, this has had significant benefits.
Silence is an empty space. Space is the home of the awakened mind:  (Buddah)
Coaching
Several of my past clients have had specific goals in mind. On further exploration of these personal goals having looking at potential barriers to self actualisation, it became apparent that in many cases, a lack of time for self reflection played a big factor and inhibitor to achieving goals. Time for oneself can take many forms. Moreover, with the increase and constant exposure to various digital noise like Twitter, Face Book, WhatsApp, Instagram, emails, text messages, podcast, YouTube, and other mediums, taking a regular digital detox can prove beneficial to overall wellbeing.
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Silence is a source of great strength: (Lao Tzu)
Research
​A minimum of 30 minutes a day in silence can have a positive impact on ones overall wellbeing. Being exposed to noise can cause stress hormones to be released by the brain. Noise hurts and silence heals Azriel ReShel (2018)
7 benefits to silence
How do you build in quality quiet time to recharge, digital detox, and heal from all of todays 24 hour noise?
  1. Improvement in overall health and wellbeing.
  2. Lower blood pressure.
  3. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for making decisions solving problems, and can get overloaded when in fast paced noisy environments. Being in silence can help relax and reduce the need for constant focus and the demands on the prefrontal cortex. This reducing stress levels.
  4. Boost the immune system.
  5. Improves focus, concentration and other cognitive functions.
  6. Improves creativity.
  7. Meditation teachers attest to the fact that the brain recognises silence and that the brain responds powerfully.
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*Reference: World Health Organisation (WHO 2011)
​Images Imagerymajestic: freedigitalphotos.net

Beverley Powell is a UK certified Life Coach and Educator and national award winner by the Health Service Journal (HSJ) 2014 as a BME Pioneer for her work around strategic inclusion within the National Health Service(NHS), and also by NHS Employers 2014 for work on strategically embedding Diversity through the workforce.
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3 Comments

7 Habits of Highly Effective Coachees: #6 Reflecting & Learning

5/4/2019

5 Comments

 
Author: Debbie Inglis
Website: squaretwo.co.uk
Reflection is a type of thinking associated with deep thought, aimed at achieving better understanding.
You'll reflect within the coaching session (*reflecting 'in action') with the support of your coach, and beyond it (*reflecting 'on action') through your own reflective thinking. Both are useful.

Reflection contains a mixture of elements, including:
​
  • making sense of an experience - e.g. gaining a better understanding about something that's happened, including looking at it from a range of viewpoints
  • standing back - the coaching space gives you a supportive and 'safe' space to look at something from a more objective viewpoint (perhaps a problem you're trying to solve or an obstacle you want to overcome)
  • weighing things up - reflective practice encourages seeking a balanced judgement, taking everything into account, not just the most obvious
  • clarity - when you reflect on something it provides greater clarity; within the coaching session your coach helps you gain clarity on things like your goal and obstacles that impede progress towards it
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Reflecting in the session
The questioning by your coach, what they feed back to you, the 'coaching space' that your coach holds ... all encourage you to think and reflect, weigh up options, come to decisions, and so on. This will be supported through the trusting relationship your coach builds with you as you work together.

In sessions, reflections can be fleeting or longer. Your coach should spot when you need time to process and reflect on something for a bit longer.

​Reflecting in the coaching session involves assessing ideas / options / solutions as you go along - identifying which are appropriate and which aren't.
Do you have a favourite question that helps you reflect on a tricky problem?​
Reflecting beyond the session
In your coaching session, you may have learnt new things about yourself and gained new ideas for moving towards your desired outcome. But the learning can (and should) continue beyond the session.
​Where do you do your best thinking?
I like to reflect whilst out walking, or make notes in a notebook. My notes will either be a free-flowing 'stream of consciousness', followed by a re-read and some developmental questions around what I've learned and next steps. Or I'll choose a model like the ones below to structure my thinking and creating useful outcomes to move forwards.
Reflective practice models

Take a look at the models, try one or both, research others, then decide what works best to continue your learning and development beyond the coaching session.
The 3 Whats**
This model centres on 3 questions: What?, So what? & Now what? (or What next?) ​
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Re 'What?' ... Write a description about the event you want to reflect on
Re 'So what?' ... Analyse the event by reflecting on specific aspects of it
Re 'What next?' ... Identify actions you'll take based on your learning

Here's the model with some prompt questions to help with your reflection process.
​

Although recording isn't essential, writing things down will help you to organise and process your thoughts in order to decide what's most important and what you'll do as a result.
Gibbs' Reflective Cycle***​
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Here's the model with some prompt questions for each stage of the cycle. This model requires more critical analysis than The 3 Whats, and is more appropriate for a longer piece of reflection benefiting from a greater depth of learning.
​
In summary ... you'll be supported by your coach to reflect as part of the coaching process, but beyond the session - it's down to you to carry out any reflections.
How do you like to reflect?
What works best for you?

*Ref - Schon, 1983. Critics debate whether it's possible to distinguish between the 2 types, as reflecting in action, or 'thinking on your feet', is still after the moment of the thing you're reflecting on, albeit momentarily.
**This has been attributed separately to Borton, Rolfe, & Driscoll. Borton's work seems to be the originator of this model.
***Various sources, including:  Gibbs G, (1988) Learning by Doing: A Guide to Teaching & Learning Models; FE Unit, Oxford Polytechnic

Debbie Inglis is a Leadership Coach specialising in Mental Toughness & Resilience. She also delivers accredited Coaching Skills Training and is a Supervision Coach. Debbie works across the UK and Internationally with leaders and their teams to maximise leadership performance, create more resilient, confident, and motivated teams - in a way that brings out the best in them.

Connect with Debbie on LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter

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