When you work with a coach:

• you feel really listened to, respected, and understood,
• you feel supported to step out of your comfort zone and try new actions and behaviours without being judged,
• you see yourself making progress,
• you discover new things about yourself,
• your confidence is boosted,
• you find solutions to problems,
• you receive honest feedback

… and much more.

Thus, it’s not hard to understand why coachees may not want this relationship of mutual respect and trust to come to an end.

The risk of this is minimised by the process of coaching and the mindset of the coach. For example, a coach will be helping you

• recognise strengths that you already have,
• come up with your own answers,
• identify how your new learning & increased self-awareness can be applied in other situations, thus increasing your own self-reliance

Useful questions to ask yourself towards the end of a coaching programme

Here are a few questions you can use to check your level of self-reliance:

• What are my thoughts about coming to the end of this coaching programme?
• How confident am I feeling on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being most confident) about moving forward beyond the end of the coaching programme?
• What resources am I aware that I already have, and what have I learnt, that will help me move forward on my own when the programme finishes?
• What can I put in place with my coach before the coaching finishes, to build my self-reliance (if I feel this is needed)?

This last one may already be planned by your coach, as part of an ‘Exit session’.

Of course, we’re always learning – about ourselves, our beliefs, what makes us tick etc. … and engaging in a new block of coaching on a different focus area can be useful without it being about over-reliance on the coach.

​I think the key thing here is that your awareness is raised to the idea, and your purpose for continuing with coaching is about providing you with new learning opportunities, and your self-reliance continues to increase.

At the 'soft squidgy' end of challenge, you'll feel positively supported although might not feel like you're moving forward. At the 'harder, tougher' end of challenge you'll be out of your comfort zone, significantly in the stretch or learning zone. You'll be discovering new things about yourself, some you may not like initially, but you'll realise how useful the stretch is, and you'll see progress.

Challenge for one person, isn't necessarily the same for another. 

A skilled coach will be able to 'judge' the level of challenge suitable to you, your situation and how resourceful you're feeling in that particular session, so challenge can differ from one session to the next.
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I've had coachees come to sessions having recently had a significant knock to their confidence. They tend to want a 'softer' start to the session. But I feel it's important to help them build a more resourceful state ... and I use the skills of listening, rapport building, appropriate questioning and feeding back pertinent and confidence-building observations, so they can be more open to challenge again, and continue making progress.

What I love most about being challenged when I'm in coachee role, is that total belief my coach has in me. They are there beside me, encouraging me to take a leap of faith, or believing what I want is possible - when I may be doubting myself.

These are behaviours I use to support coachees I work with too, and it's with this mindset that I see most progress with them.

When starting a new coach-coachee relationship, it is a good idea to ask your coach how they challenge. This not only helps to inform you, it also gets a potentially uncomfortable topic out in the open, making it more 'accessible' and easy to step into when you've hit an obstacle. Alternatively, you can trust and accept that challenge will happen anyway, and you'll 'go with the flow'!

A coach will challenge you in a number of ways, including:

Challenging you to go deeper
This is about delving deeper into your thinking around a topic / your goal. It can feel challenging if it's not something you're used to doing, or have been avoiding doing it for some reason.

Relevant Core Competencies from the International Coach Federation include:

"Asks questions that evoke discovery, insight, commitment or action (e.g., those that challenge the client’s assumptions)." - Re 6. Powerful Questioning
"Helps clients to discover for themselves the new thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, moods, etc. that strengthen their ability to take action and achieve what is important to them." - Re 8. Creating Awareness

Challenging inaction
Your coach will assist you in designing appropriate actions to deepen your learning and promote progress towards your goals. They will also be checking that these actions are within your control.

Coaches are realistic, and will accept that sometimes things out of your control can get in the way of you achieving actions following coaching sessions.

However, if the coach spots that you are developing a pattern of not taking action for things that are in your control, they will likely challenge this! If you want to avoid this, make sure you're honest about the actions you're choosing to do, and not just saying what you think your coach wants to hear.

So how could you mentally prepare for challenge in a coaching session? If we go back to my initial statement at the start of this blog, challenge is an integral part of a coaching session so it should be expected. Preparing to be challenged is the same as preparing to be coached. I approach it from the perspective ... "I'm going to learn something new about myself today - and I'm going to enjoy that!

The questioning by your coach, what they feed back to you, the 'coaching space' that your coach holds ... all encourage you to think and reflect, weigh up options, come to decisions, and so on. This will be supported through the trusting relationship your coach builds with you as you work together.

In sessions, reflections can be fleeting or longer. Your coach should spot when you need time to process and reflect on something for a bit longer.

​Reflecting in the coaching session involves assessing ideas / options / solutions as you go along - identifying which are appropriate and which aren't.

Reflective practice models

Take a look at the models, try one or both, research others, then decide what works best to continue your learning and development beyond the coaching session.

This model centres on 3 questions: What?, So what? & Now what? (or What next?) ​

Re 'What?' ... Write a description about the event you want to reflect on
Re 'So what?' ... Analyse the event by reflecting on specific aspects of it
Re 'What next?' ... Identify actions you'll take based on your learning

Here's the model with some prompt questions to help with your reflection process.
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Although recording isn't essential, writing things down will help you to organise and process your thoughts in order to decide what's most important and what you'll do as a result.

Here's the model with some prompt questions for each stage of the cycle. This model requires more critical analysis than The 3 Whats, and is more appropriate for a longer piece of reflection benefiting from a greater depth of learning.
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In summary ... you'll be supported by your coach to reflect as part of the coaching process, but beyond the session - it's down to you to carry out any reflections.

*Ref - Schon, 1983. Critics debate whether it's possible to distinguish between the 2 types, as reflecting in action, or 'thinking on your feet', is still after the moment of the thing you're reflecting on, albeit momentarily.
**This has been attributed separately to Borton, Rolfe, & Driscoll. Borton's work seems to be the originator of this model.
***Various sources, including:  Gibbs G, (1988) Learning by Doing: A Guide to Teaching & Learning Models; FE Unit, Oxford Polytechnic

Whilst coaching is a fluid relationship without a hierarchy, there still needs to be clarity about the different roles and responsibilities of both parties.

Being clear about your roles and responsibilities makes for smoother, more productive and successful sessions. It means you can get any associated ‘admin’ out of the way at the start, and you can go into each session with the right mindset.

At the start of the new coach-coachee relationship, it’s likely that there’s an imbalance and the coach is clear about the respective roles and responsibilities whilst the coachee isn’t.

Clarification can come from:

• the consultation conversation,
• documentation provided to the coachee prior to the first session
• a discussion between coach, coachee and their line manager (or stakeholder paying for the coaching programme)

Roles and responsibilities can vary from one coaching engagement to the next, and can depend on whether the coaching is something you’re paying for privately or your organisation is paying for it.

Typically roles and responsibilities of coach and coachee include:

Coach Roles & Responsibilities

1. Making sure they’re there to start on time and finish sessions on time too.
2. Working with the organisation to ensure the coaching environment is suitable, although this can vary from one organisation to another, and can be out of the coach’s hands.
3. To support and challenge you to achieve your goals.
4. To use suitable coaching skills, techniques and tools to aid and facilitate your progress.
5. To provide the agreed number of sessions.

Coachee Roles & Responsibilities

1. Doing appropriate preparation for the session. As well as the ideas suggested in yesterday’s blog post, this can include being prepared to feed back how things have gone since your previous session, progress with any actions you carried out, and any obstacles you’ve come across.
2. Turning up on time (this includes calling at the agreed time, if the coaching is by phone).
3. Ensuring your coaching space is a confidential and uninterrupted environment. Sometimes this is done between your coach with the organisation that is paying for the coaching. It’s also commonplace for coach & coachee to meet at a mutually agreed neutral venue (whether paying privately for coaching or not).
4. Checking / discussing any previously agreed success criteria for the coaching programme (if paid for by your organisation). If you’re paying for coaching yourself, your coach will probably discuss this anyway, as part of the coaching process.
5. Decisions about courses of action linked to coaching, e.g. post session actions, are your responsibility.
6. Letting the coach know if you’re having any other type of intervention or support that covers the same focus area (e.g. counselling). You can still be coached on the topic, if it’s a ‘coaching’ topic, and it’s advisable to let the counsellor know you’re also being coached.
7. Providing adequate notice to the coach about cancelling or rearranging sessions.